My Name's Emma and I.................................
couldn't fill in the rest of that sentence.
I haven't blogged for ages as you all know....frankly Ive been a bit fed up and rather down and not really felt like talking about me....not even the usual drivel I ramble on about on here LOL Last night I felt quite depressed and for some reason today I feel marginally better..........................probably because I came home at 10 last night and ate a third of a tub of Carte dor with chocolate sauce and maple syrup.
I suppose many of the ppl who read this blog probably havent seen this side of me....infact most ppl who knoe me havent seen this side of me. There are many common misconceptions about my character.....which have led me to be the controversal person I was once described as by someone who knows me very well and loves me dearly.
Many ppl think I am strong, confident, have a good sense of humour and dont really get phased by anything....I am cool in a crisis and can handle what life throws at me.....................these are good things and I'd like to think I can live up to this. However because I often put on this mask or hat I often do get a lot thrown at me, sometimes more than I can really handle. Ppl think I dont get hurt or upset when really I am just hiding how I feel inside, I know that is wrong and dishonest really but I just dont find loading off my problems very easy.
Ppl also think that life is just water off a ducks back to me too, that I get over things and move on really quickly....again on the outside I do, but ppl forget I am still healing inside.
I dont really know why I am telling you all this, and I know its way off th kinda stupid silly stuff I usually write, but right now this is how I feel.
Last night was worship practice and we had one of those training nights where you dont bring instruments and you play silly team games with lateral thinking and theres no real answer kinda thing. At the end was a sheet for reflective thinking....it was all about not doubting yourself as you are Goids creation and when you do what God created you to do ie your strengths and gifts even if its is scratching the chicken pox of a three year old....then that is worship and for the glory of God. I know God was really speaking to me as I just cant talk to anyone about tis stuff because I dont know how to bring it up....but I still couldnt fill in the sheet........I couldnyt talk about my strengths..... i know God has hgiven me gifts and strengths but I just couldnt put my name to them, maybe i feel i dont deserve them, I dont really know.....all I know was I was really down!
Today although my situation hasnt changed, aaron and are still in a bit of a naff situation and I am still struggling, but i am aware of what God has given me, a wonderful husband who I love with ever fibre of my being, fantastic friends from right here in the same house to opposite ends of the country I love you all and a fabulous family both biological and spiritual.......so in my times of sorrow and heartache I am still the richest woman alive!!!!
Whenever you feel like I do
a) call me, i'll listen andtalk and pray with you
b) remeber when you are doing those everyday tasks that you have done so many times you could write a training manual, then you are worshipping God, because He made you in His image, he is happy with His creation and made you just the way He wanted to so he could enjoy you!! How special are YOU!!!
Love ya Bless ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(and if you read this far then pat yourself on the back and go for a lie down)
I haven't blogged for ages as you all know....frankly Ive been a bit fed up and rather down and not really felt like talking about me....not even the usual drivel I ramble on about on here LOL Last night I felt quite depressed and for some reason today I feel marginally better..........................probably because I came home at 10 last night and ate a third of a tub of Carte dor with chocolate sauce and maple syrup.
I suppose many of the ppl who read this blog probably havent seen this side of me....infact most ppl who knoe me havent seen this side of me. There are many common misconceptions about my character.....which have led me to be the controversal person I was once described as by someone who knows me very well and loves me dearly.
Many ppl think I am strong, confident, have a good sense of humour and dont really get phased by anything....I am cool in a crisis and can handle what life throws at me.....................these are good things and I'd like to think I can live up to this. However because I often put on this mask or hat I often do get a lot thrown at me, sometimes more than I can really handle. Ppl think I dont get hurt or upset when really I am just hiding how I feel inside, I know that is wrong and dishonest really but I just dont find loading off my problems very easy.
Ppl also think that life is just water off a ducks back to me too, that I get over things and move on really quickly....again on the outside I do, but ppl forget I am still healing inside.
I dont really know why I am telling you all this, and I know its way off th kinda stupid silly stuff I usually write, but right now this is how I feel.
Last night was worship practice and we had one of those training nights where you dont bring instruments and you play silly team games with lateral thinking and theres no real answer kinda thing. At the end was a sheet for reflective thinking....it was all about not doubting yourself as you are Goids creation and when you do what God created you to do ie your strengths and gifts even if its is scratching the chicken pox of a three year old....then that is worship and for the glory of God. I know God was really speaking to me as I just cant talk to anyone about tis stuff because I dont know how to bring it up....but I still couldnt fill in the sheet........I couldnyt talk about my strengths..... i know God has hgiven me gifts and strengths but I just couldnt put my name to them, maybe i feel i dont deserve them, I dont really know.....all I know was I was really down!
Today although my situation hasnt changed, aaron and are still in a bit of a naff situation and I am still struggling, but i am aware of what God has given me, a wonderful husband who I love with ever fibre of my being, fantastic friends from right here in the same house to opposite ends of the country I love you all and a fabulous family both biological and spiritual.......so in my times of sorrow and heartache I am still the richest woman alive!!!!
Whenever you feel like I do
a) call me, i'll listen andtalk and pray with you
b) remeber when you are doing those everyday tasks that you have done so many times you could write a training manual, then you are worshipping God, because He made you in His image, he is happy with His creation and made you just the way He wanted to so he could enjoy you!! How special are YOU!!!
Love ya Bless ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(and if you read this far then pat yourself on the back and go for a lie down)
posted by Juckle at 4:03 PM
4 Comments:
I am sorry you are feeling low babe - praying for you sweets :)
Emma babes.
We love ya.
You know it'll all work out in the end cos it's in the Big G's all working hands.
:( it sucks being that down. We all love you to bits...you're fantastic :) I think that deep down, we all put up a mask. I don't think there's a confident person alive - just people who worry less.
(Unless you count my brother who went out clubbing and, at 3am. blagged a free lift home from the police by threatening to run down the motorway...you're not my brother are you?!?)
my names Emma and it's about time I blogged lol
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